Being Respectful - Ephesians 6:1-9

My mother and father tried. Juanita and I have tried as best we knew how and I realize that many of your parents and you have done all the right things you knew to do—but for some reason we [at least many of us] have failed to reach the goal that I believe we should have attained. To my regret and for some very devastating reason we have erased some of the most important words from our children’s vocabulary.

Yes. Yes-ma’am. Yes sir. Yes, please. No-ma’am. No sir. Thank you. You are excused. Excuse me. Please excuse me. Pardon me. Mr. Mrs. Good morning sir. Forgive me. These are just some of the greetings and responses that seem to have gone into oblivion. I am really worried now; for I have just now checked my electronic dictionary for the spelling of “ma’am” and find that it is not in the dictionary. In fact it is underlined in red on this computer as being misspelled.

When I started teaching school in 1949, most of the children in my classroom addressed me with an appropriate greeting or response. I took these courtesies for granted and never realized how important they were until the courtesy was lost. Since I have been out of the classroom for over twenty years and have continued to have a very limited presence among the younger generation. I realize that the new vocabulary has extended far beyond my knowledge but some that are familiar are such as: Ha. Ha dad. Ha Doc. Naw. Aint. A sheepish grin—and say nothing. A shrug-of-the- shoulders—with no comment. What’s smoking? What’s going down? I am not naive, and fully realize that many of you will not agree with me, but that does not change my mind. I may not have made my thoughts clear to you, and/or there may be a better way to express how disrespect actually appears, but there still is no reason for any person of any age not to be RESPECTFUL toward others, especially parents, superiors, and their elders.

It really does not matter what you and I think is important, or whether we agree or disagree—the bible teaches us we are to treat people with respect because God created all humans in His image. Parents are to respect each other and also their children—and this sets the example for the respect that young people should show their parents, teachers, clergy, and elderly people especially.

Time and space will not permit a detailed explanation of a recent incident that I personally observed at the local Wall Mart that depicts what is happening in young families. A mother, father and two small children, eight to ten years of age actually had a verbal outburst that broke into jerking, pushing, shoving and throwing incident that disrupted the whole grocery department. These children had not been properly disciplined at home, and the reaction of the parents let me know that they either had not tried or did not know how to discipline children. In this situation it was obvious that the children did not respect the parents, and it is my guess that it was primarily because the parents did not respect each other and the children even at home.

If you will read the first verses of this letter that Paul wrote to the believers at Ephesus and abide by his admonition to them you will never have to be embarrassed with an incident like the one mentioned above. I realize that this first commandment is short and to the point and requires further explanation and directions, but the fact that it is a commandment with a promised good result makes it very important. READ AND PRACTICE IT!

Because we have immediate access to the news of the day, world wide; and because the news media explodes and projects horror stories because they sell; we hear about many gruesome examples of child molestations and mistreatment. It sometimes appears that mistreatment of children is the worst it has ever been—but the truth is that it has always been a problem—it was in Paul’s day, and that is his reason for his writing these verses.

When Ephesians was written, the world was under the control of the Roman Empire. The Roman law condoned a condition of power known as the patria protests which gave the Roman father absolute power over his family. The father could punish at will and to any extreme including, forcing them to work for him, even in chains. He could sell them as slaves and even inflect the death penalty for disobedience. This power extended so long as the father lived, so that the child never actually became of age until the death of his father, even if the sibling became and elected official with powers of his own.

There was a common custom under patria potestas, in the Roman world, when a child was born, it was placed before the father who could accept or reject the new born. He could accept or reject the child, and if it was rejected it could be literally thrown out of the family. Unwanted children were usually discarded in the Roman forum and were usually collected by anyone that made their living by raising the child to sell as a slave or stock the brothels of Rome.

Seneca, a Roman historian wrote; “We slaughter a fierce ox; we strangle a mad dog; we plunge the knife into sickly cattle lest they taint the heard; children who are born weakly and deformed we drown.” Normal children could be mistreated, but weaklings or deformed children had little hope of survival. We think child abuse is terrible today, but just think how it must have been when Paul wrote this advice to children and parents. Christianity brought a great improvement to the status of both women and children—and it is only because of the teachings of Christ that the laws of man improved to their present day status, which is a significant improvement. My greatest regret is that I believe we are loosing ground and have been ever since the completion of WWII.

The degree of honor and respect that we have for each other came from the teachings of Christ through the gospel, as recorded here in Ephesians. Therefore, if our faith in Christ is real, it will usually prove itself at home first, in our family relationships with those who know us best. Children and parents have a mutual responsibility to each other that they [each individual] must learn by knowing how Christ expects us to treat each other. [There is no professional hand book written by any author that tells us how to treat each other. Spock may have tried, but he sure failed.] The bible does!

I can assure parents of one thing and that is that parents should care, gently and prayerfully for their children even when the child is disobedient and unpleasant. Discipline is absolutely necessary but it must be done in love and concern and not in wrath. Do not discipline your child while you are exhibiting a fit of anger—wait until you can look them in the eye and let them know you love them. Remember the bible tells us that we should never let the sun go down on our anger—therefore you should never have to wait more that 24 hours to discipline. The delay will enhance the benefit.

I can assure children of one thing, they should honor their parents even if the parents are demanding and unfair. I am sorry that I have no specific advice that will always work when your parents are unfair, but there are some things you can do that will usually improve the situation. Never lie. Do not be deceitful. Never slip around and try to hide your misbehavior. Always be responsible! Show your appreciation for what they do for you every time. Do not act and or be selfish. Ask yourself why they respond as they do…it may be your fault and if it is make the correction necessary and let them know that you have changed. If all fails, you should seek council from your pastor, a Christian counselor, a trusted teacher or friend. You are not alone and unloved, someone cares and will help you. God cares and will guide you, but you must seek his help by first showing that you trust Him.

Jesus Christ is the best counselor for both parents and children, and He tells you that your are to love each other with the same agape love that he has for his bride, the church—that is with the same love He has for you and He died on the cross because he love you so much. There can be peace in the family; and it will happen if both parents and children put the others’ interest first. It is not easy but—you must submit one to the other. Remember the promise in verse three—“Things will go well with you and you will enjoy a long life on earth.”

Parents, remember the purpose of discipline is to help children grow mentally and spiritually and discipline is not to be exasperating and provoking, driving them to anger or discouragement. The bible teaches in Colossians 3:21, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” Dad, Mom, you need to stop and realize that your child did not choose you as their parent—you forced yourself upon them. If you did not rally want a child in your life, you should have acted responsively. Now that you have each other, you should take the first responsibility of making this a happy time together.

Parents, your greatest promise is that if you will bring your children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, in their latter days they will not depart from it. That means you will experience a happy ending. My God bless your family is my prayer.