Being Respectful - Ephesians 6:1-9

My mother and father tried. Juanita and I have tried as best we knew how and I realize that many of your parents and you have done all the right things you knew to do—but for some reason we [at least many of us] have failed to reach the goal that I believe we should have attained. To my regret and for some very devastating reason we have erased some of the most important words from our children’s vocabulary.

Yes. Yes-ma’am. Yes sir. Yes, please. No-ma’am. No sir. Thank you. You are excused. Excuse me. Please excuse me. Pardon me. Mr. Mrs. Good morning sir. Forgive me. These are just some of the greetings and responses that seem to have gone into oblivion. I am really worried now; for I have just now checked my electronic dictionary for the spelling of “ma’am” and find that it is not in the dictionary. In fact it is underlined in red on this computer as being misspelled.

When I started teaching school in 1949, most of the children in my classroom addressed me with an appropriate greeting or response. I took these courtesies for granted and never realized how important they were until the courtesy was lost. Since I have been out of the classroom for over twenty years and have continued to have a very limited presence among the younger generation. I realize that the new vocabulary has extended far beyond my knowledge but some that are familiar are such as: Ha. Ha dad. Ha Doc. Naw. Aint. A sheepish grin—and say nothing. A shrug-of-the- shoulders—with no comment. What’s smoking? What’s going down? I am not naive, and fully realize that many of you will not agree with me, but that does not change my mind. I may not have made my thoughts clear to you, and/or there may be a better way to express how disrespect actually appears, but there still is no reason for any person of any age not to be RESPECTFUL toward others, especially parents, superiors, and their elders.

It really does not matter what you and I think is important, or whether we agree or disagree—the bible teaches us we are to treat people with respect because God created all humans in His image. Parents are to respect each other and also their children—and this sets the example for the respect that young people should show their parents, teachers, clergy, and elderly people especially.

Time and space will not permit a detailed explanation of a recent incident that I personally observed at the local Wall Mart that depicts what is happening in young families. A mother, father and two small children, eight to ten years of age actually had a verbal outburst that broke into jerking, pushing, shoving and throwing incident that disrupted the whole grocery department. These children had not been properly disciplined at home, and the reaction of the parents let me know that they either had not tried or did not know how to discipline children. In this situation it was obvious that the children did not respect the parents, and it is my guess that it was primarily because the parents did not respect each other and the children even at home.

If you will read the first verses of this letter that Paul wrote to the believers at Ephesus and abide by his admonition to them you will never have to be embarrassed with an incident like the one mentioned above. I realize that this first commandment is short and to the point and requires further explanation and directions, but the fact that it is a commandment with a promised good result makes it very important. READ AND PRACTICE IT!

Because we have immediate access to the news of the day, world wide; and because the news media explodes and projects horror stories because they sell; we hear about many gruesome examples of child molestations and mistreatment. It sometimes appears that mistreatment of children is the worst it has ever been—but the truth is that it has always been a problem—it was in Paul’s day, and that is his reason for his writing these verses.

When Ephesians was written, the world was under the control of the Roman Empire. The Roman law condoned a condition of power known as the patria protests which gave the Roman father absolute power over his family. The father could punish at will and to any extreme including, forcing them to work for him, even in chains. He could sell them as slaves and even inflect the death penalty for disobedience. This power extended so long as the father lived, so that the child never actually became of age until the death of his father, even if the sibling became and elected official with powers of his own.

There was a common custom under patria potestas, in the Roman world, when a child was born, it was placed before the father who could accept or reject the new born. He could accept or reject the child, and if it was rejected it could be literally thrown out of the family. Unwanted children were usually discarded in the Roman forum and were usually collected by anyone that made their living by raising the child to sell as a slave or stock the brothels of Rome.

Seneca, a Roman historian wrote; “We slaughter a fierce ox; we strangle a mad dog; we plunge the knife into sickly cattle lest they taint the heard; children who are born weakly and deformed we drown.” Normal children could be mistreated, but weaklings or deformed children had little hope of survival. We think child abuse is terrible today, but just think how it must have been when Paul wrote this advice to children and parents. Christianity brought a great improvement to the status of both women and children—and it is only because of the teachings of Christ that the laws of man improved to their present day status, which is a significant improvement. My greatest regret is that I believe we are loosing ground and have been ever since the completion of WWII.

The degree of honor and respect that we have for each other came from the teachings of Christ through the gospel, as recorded here in Ephesians. Therefore, if our faith in Christ is real, it will usually prove itself at home first, in our family relationships with those who know us best. Children and parents have a mutual responsibility to each other that they [each individual] must learn by knowing how Christ expects us to treat each other. [There is no professional hand book written by any author that tells us how to treat each other. Spock may have tried, but he sure failed.] The bible does!

I can assure parents of one thing and that is that parents should care, gently and prayerfully for their children even when the child is disobedient and unpleasant. Discipline is absolutely necessary but it must be done in love and concern and not in wrath. Do not discipline your child while you are exhibiting a fit of anger—wait until you can look them in the eye and let them know you love them. Remember the bible tells us that we should never let the sun go down on our anger—therefore you should never have to wait more that 24 hours to discipline. The delay will enhance the benefit.

I can assure children of one thing, they should honor their parents even if the parents are demanding and unfair. I am sorry that I have no specific advice that will always work when your parents are unfair, but there are some things you can do that will usually improve the situation. Never lie. Do not be deceitful. Never slip around and try to hide your misbehavior. Always be responsible! Show your appreciation for what they do for you every time. Do not act and or be selfish. Ask yourself why they respond as they do…it may be your fault and if it is make the correction necessary and let them know that you have changed. If all fails, you should seek council from your pastor, a Christian counselor, a trusted teacher or friend. You are not alone and unloved, someone cares and will help you. God cares and will guide you, but you must seek his help by first showing that you trust Him.

Jesus Christ is the best counselor for both parents and children, and He tells you that your are to love each other with the same agape love that he has for his bride, the church—that is with the same love He has for you and He died on the cross because he love you so much. There can be peace in the family; and it will happen if both parents and children put the others’ interest first. It is not easy but—you must submit one to the other. Remember the promise in verse three—“Things will go well with you and you will enjoy a long life on earth.”

Parents, remember the purpose of discipline is to help children grow mentally and spiritually and discipline is not to be exasperating and provoking, driving them to anger or discouragement. The bible teaches in Colossians 3:21, “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” Dad, Mom, you need to stop and realize that your child did not choose you as their parent—you forced yourself upon them. If you did not rally want a child in your life, you should have acted responsively. Now that you have each other, you should take the first responsibility of making this a happy time together.

Parents, your greatest promise is that if you will bring your children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, in their latter days they will not depart from it. That means you will experience a happy ending. My God bless your family is my prayer.

Being Married - Ephesians 5:22-33

The majority of us who have grown older do not mind being asked our age. It is usually one of our prized moments when we are able to tell our inquiries that we have lived four scour and six years and that we have also been married to one precocious spouse for the last sixty-six of those years. When both are still living fairly normal, healthy lives, assisting each other over the troubling spots each day, the joy is compounded. As one qualified to write from personal experience I can attest that being happily married is one of the most important accomplishments of my life.

I have personally known several families that seemed to have everything going right, and all were happy in their family fellowship and relationship so long as they practiced the teachings held forth in this lesson today. But a time came when they failed to love and honor God as he loved his church, and difficulties arose and the family life was destroyed. Nothing has ever brought more unhappiness into the lives of the family or a nation than for us to ignore God’s teaching regarding the family and church. I doubt that anyone reading this passage of scripture regarding the importance of a Godly home can fully realize how great it really is. Literally stated, only the mind of God knows the spiritual value of the family unit.

We are living in evil times just as the Ephesians did in the days of Paul’s writings to them approximately 2055 years ago. Whether we survive and prosper and live to enjoy our lives today or meet total failure all depends upon our being willing to depend upon the plans that God has established for us to live by. Paul was faced with the dangers being taught by the Jewish faith regarding the condition or place that women held in their Jewish society. Very simply, women were looked down upon to the point that one of their prayers thanked God that the Jewish man was created as neither a slave, a gentile, nor a woman. Paul and other writers faced these teachings when they started teaching that all men and women were alike in the sight of God.

As a result of the early teachings of the church and its leaders, throughout the years the Christian view of marriage has come to be widely accepted. I hope and pray that it is still recognized as the ideal family relationship even in these permissive days in which we live. Since we live in the days of mass communication instantly available we immediately know about the perverted practices regarding sex and marriage that sometimes appear as something new. We must realize that the sins against the family started as early as the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, as recorded in the Old Testament, and even where practice has fallen short of the ideal, marriage has always been in the minds and hearts of Christian men and women.

In 5: 22 and beyond, Paul talks about the submission of the wife to the husband. He states that the woman must be submissive to her husband as she is to Christ. This is true because they have promised to love each other and it is not based on any fact that says the husband should be in control. He goes on to explain some of the things about the love that a husband must bear, show, share with his wife.

1. Man’s love for his wife must be a sacrificial love. Paul says that the husband must love his wife just as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for the church. This must not be a selfish love. One must love his wife not for what she can do for him but because of the ways he can serve her.

2. The love between husband and wife must be a purifying love…just as the agape love of Christ for man.

3. The love for a woman must be caring love. Love her as you love yourself and take care that both are equally served, equally blessed. The relationship of marriage always involves three people…a man, a woman and Jesus Christ as the unseen guest who is always present.

It is not difficult for Christian people to understand why so many marriages are failing today. I do not know the percentage of marriages that occur between believers, but my guess would be that that they are in the minority. Therefore since many [maybe most] marriages occur between two people who have not accepted Christ, they do not realized the sacredness of the marriage union. These marriages are selfish in nature and generally speaking, they are marriages to get rather than to give. I only wish I had the ability to explain to unbelievers the dangers they are facing—for the bible strictly teaches that we should not be un-equally yoked together.

Are you contemplating marriage in your near future? The best advice that I have for you is that you consider the great number of people that will eventually be affected by your decision. Study the bible until you understand fully what your obligations will be to all concerned. Remember that it is a lifelong commitment to your wife and many others. Above all—look up the meaning of DIVORCE, and realize that it is not a biblically accepted reason to end a marriage. Do not establish a divorce as an acceptable way to end your relationship just in case it does not work. When this occurs, it is a selfish decision that does not take in to consideration the horrors of a broken home that usually destroys the happy lives of children and families.

Being Careful - Ephesians 5:15-21

Beginning on the day we learn to talk and listen with understanding, the most common admonition we have ever experienced is the phrase “You be careful now! Do you hear?” Parents realize that children are constantly faced with dangers with which they are not familiar and are warned of the problems that can arise. Playing or running over rough ground can cause a dangerous fall. When swimming, water runs deep and there are dangerous undercurrents. Some animals and bugs are poisonous and will sting or bite. You never know what the oncoming driver will do, so you must drive defensively: and remember that a speeding car is more likely to cause a serious wreck. Be careful now! And please do not attempt to cross the rails of a speeding train when the warning lights are flashing and the bar is down.

The book of Ephesians has two distinctive parts. The first three chapters teach biblical doctoring with many themes including God’s blessings to man, God’s power, believers’ unity in Christ, and God’s wonderful salvation plan that comes only through faith and by God’s grace to man. Then the last three chapters deal with man’s responsibility to practice what he knows to be truth in his daily life. The Christian has grown up and now is the one that must learn to be careful. In these last chapters Paul uses the term WALK six times to refer to our duties that come as a result of the teaching of Christian doctrines. Paul uses the word WALK as a metaphor for living the Christian life and includes positive ways that we should walk and dangerous ways we should not walk.

The very first verse in today’s lesson makes it seem like Paul is thinking much as our parents did when he tells us to “Be VERY CAREFUL how you live.” I learned from my educational supervisory experiences that master teachers use a certain amount of repetition in their teaching. They will review what they taught yesterday as a way to introduce today’s theme. Paul did that very thing here. Look back to verse 8 and following. They were once unenlightened and living in darkness because their deeds were evil. The men of light were wise and the dark were unwise. Now, “Do not live as unwise men, but like wise men. Use your time with all economy for these are evil days.” This sounds like 2010. I do not know where 2009 went or how it went by so soon. But I do know that it passed so swiftly that we need to rescue every good day we can from the workers of evil that are trying to steal our Christian way from us. Our lives operate as a vacuum and are constantly being filled with something [either good or bad]. The heathen has always and will always find his happiness in filling himself with wine and with worldly pleasures; the Christian found his happiness in being filled with the spirit. In this passage Paul relates some facts about how the early church spent its time in worship during its days of worship.

The early church was a singing church. People used psalms and hymns and songs that made worshipers happy and made men sing. The early church was a thankful church and its instinct was to give thanks for all things coming from God. They were still dazzled with the fact that God’s love had stooped to save them. Members of the early church honored and respected each other. We must do likewise; therefore we must be very careful how we live life each day at a time.

Paul refers to the evil days as a reminder that evil is always present, and that there is always an urgency to deal with it. We must keep our standards high, act wisely and do right at all times. Following the admonition of Paul is just as the heeding of parental directions to always be careful what we do, or say or be careful to whom we listen and heed.

Paul compares the high one gets from drinking too much wine which is temporary and connected with the fulfillment of selfish desires to being filled with the Holy Spirit—which is long lasting, producing good fruit, and proving love for others. The problem we face here is that we must be careful that we not expect to have more of God’s grace—but we must desire that God’s grace owns and controls more of us. We must daily submit to His leading and we must constantly draw on his power.

The general theme changes at verse 21. The idea of complete submission of one person to another is a hard concept to grasp. It is often misunderstood. One thing for sure this submission does not mean becoming as a doormat. Think of what Christ did. He was in complete submission to his Father, even to the cross—but he could be thought of as the ‘open door’ to the Father rather than the door mat in front of heavens door.

Instructions given for women to always be submissive to their husbands are always limited by what is right in the sight of God. If the demands of a husband are wrong or sinful, the wife is not expected to commit sin in order to remain submissive.

In closing these remarks let me remind you again that you must be very careful how you interpret a passage of scripture. Any person with great knowledge regarding the wordage used in the scripture can use many deferent verses to prove or disapprove the same fact. We must be careful and never take the scripture out of its context in order to prove a point that was never intended by the writer.